Hello, Friends!
Hello, Friends! is an American sitcom that ran for three seasons from 2012 to 2014. It follows a group of young adults living and working in central New Jersey. Focusing predominately on the lives of three friends and coworkers, the show also features several of their quirky colleagues and acquaintances. Characters Main CJ – CJ is a Korean-American who eats rice for almost every meal. She also loves spam and French bulldogs, and puts sriracha sauce on just about everything she eats. CJ readily admits to being a terrible driver, and despite having been born in the United States, she often uses common American phrases incorrectly and blames it on the fact that English is her second language. Early in the series it is revealed that CJ’s ears are lopsided, with one ear being slightly higher than the other, causing her glasses to rest at an awkward angle on her face. Kevin – Kevin is a Colombian-American who is originally from Queens. He is obsessed with eating at Chick-fil-A and watching the show South Park. He often compares situations in which he and the other characters find themselves to various South Park episodes. Early in the series, it is revealed that one of Kevin’s feet is significantly larger than the other. Although he is not lactose intolerant, Kevin does not like cheese on anything other than pizza. Evan – Evan is just a typical white guy, although the other characters believe him to be Jewish, despite his insistence that he is not. He often talks about his twin brother Ian, who lives in Nebraska and who never appears in the show, but the other characters are skeptical of Ian’s existence. When Evan shows them a picture of “Ian”, who has long hair, they believe it to just be a picture of Evan wearing a wig. Early in the series, it is revealed that one of Evan’s arms is significantly longer than the other. Recurring Mark – Mark is a Russian coworker of CJ, Kevin and Evan’s who appears in the first season, during which he briefly lives in the house with CJ and Kevin before moving away. Mark wears a shirt that is way too big for him and which looks more like a dress. Whenever he enters a room, he says, “What’s going on?” in a high-pitched, excited tone. Mark loves working and eating taquitos. The other characters speculate that he may be a Russian spy. Nic – Nic is a red-headed coworker of CJ, Kevin and Evan’s. He was born and raised in New Jersey and he talks out the side of his mouth. He’s short and loves to lift weights, and constantly talks about his days on the high school wrestling team. Early in the series the other characters notice that whenever Nic talks to their boss, his voice gets unusually deep. Everybody seems to be aware of this except for Nic himself, and they make fun of him for it behind his back. Kyle – Kyle is an African-American coworker of CJ, Kevin and Evan’s. He’s always trying to screw over other people in order to get ahead, and he thinks very highly of himself. He often sneaks away during the day to take naps in his secret napping spot, which no one has ever been able to find. Dee – Dee is an African-American coworker of CJ, Kevin and Evan’s. He generally speaks in quick, incoherent mumbles, with the only distinguishable syllables being “mattafack” (as a matter of fact), with which he often starts his sentences. Oscar – Oscar is Evan’s Mexican-American friend. He was born in Mexico but moved to California with his family at the age of four. As a result, he speaks English with a Mexican accent and Spanish with an American accent, and has trouble fitting in. Oscar is extremely skinny and wears a watch to tell him when it’s time to eat, because doctors have told him that he has to gain weight or he will die. Despite this, he stops eating after a single potato chip and runs ten miles a day. Anne Marie – Anne Marie is one of the managers at the Chick-fil-A where CJ, Kevin and Evan often eat. She’s very friendly to Evan, leading Kevin to believe that she has strong feelings for him—despite being fifteen years older than him—but Evan insists that she is just nice and has good customer service. Gerrelaine – Gerrelaine is the next-door neighbor of CJ, Kevin and Evan. She moves in during the third season, and after meeting her, Evan believes she is black and tells CJ and Kevin, but it is later revealed that she’s some form of Asian. Manny – Manny is a coworker of CJ, Kevin and Evan. He is overweight, has a big gray beard and walks with a cane, which gives him the appearance of a man in his sixties. However, during the second season it is revealed that he is only 49. He has been working at the office for longer than anyone else there and has been passed over for so many promotions that he no longer cares about his work and frequently naps at his desk during the day, in plain view of his boss and everyone else. Sibyl – Sibyl is a Puerto-Rican or Cuban coworker of CJ, Kevin and Evan’s. She’s from New York and always talks about how tough it was growing up in “the hood”. At the office, she often has one or more young women following her around, whom she refers to as her “nieces”, though the other characters question whether or not they may be ghosts. Yvette – Yvette is another coworker of CJ, Kevin and Evan’s. She often makes crazy, nonsensical, off-the-wall comments during work and at meetings, which the other characters ignore because they don’t know how to respond to them. Brian – Brian is another African-American coworker of CJ, Kevin and Evan’s. He is relatively new to the job, having previously worked in some sort of medical career, and always talks about how his old job was so much better and complains about almost everything. Ms. Brown – Ms. Brown is a coworker of CJ, Kevin and Evan’s who has been doing the job for a very long time but still continues to do everything the old way, how she learned it thirty years ago. Whenever any of the other characters say anything to her, she stares wide-eyed at them for exactly eight seconds before nodding enthusiastically and saying, “O-kaaaaaaay!” Sylvester – Sylvester is a homeless man who was hired by Kevin and Evan’s boss to pretend to be a part of the fake contracts that have been assigned to Kevin and Evan to oversee so that they will still feel utilized but be unable to screw up any real contracts. Chris – Chris is another coworker of CJ, Kevin and Evan’s who has a slight stutter and who initiates awkward conversations with everyone he passes in the hallway. His hair and clothes are always a mess, and many of his coworkers blame him for everything that goes wrong, although he’s never bothered by it. He is extremely smart and knows almost everything about everything, and subscribes to Civil War Magazine. Dave – Dave is another coworker of CJ, Kevin and Evan who is constantly talking to himself and who has an uncanny tendency to start random, pointless conversations with people whenever they’re running late for a meeting. Dave has eaten Taco Bell for lunch every day for the past three years. Toward the end of the third season, Dave becomes a vegetarian, but continues eating at Taco Bell, ordering the chicken burrito without chicken. La Meisha – La Meisha is a coworker of CJ, Kevin and Evan’s who cannot tell the difference between Evan and Kevin, despite the fact that they look nothing alike. She constantly gets them mixed up and calls them by each other’s names. Episodes Season 1 Welcome to Jersey – Kevin and CJ both arrive in New Jersey to begin work in an office where they soon meet Evan, an odd but lovable character to who has been working there for the past year. Evan attempts to “show them the ropes”, but it soon becomes clear that he himself has no idea what’s going on. The House – After looking around, Kevin and CJ find a house to move into. However, months go by and they’re too lazy to ever get any furniture. Eventually Mark moves in with them, bringing his old furniture, which he leaves with them when he moves out, because he feels bad for them. The Toilet Seat – Kyle pulls a prank on CJ at work by calling her and speaking with a fake accent, pretending to be someone looking for a new toilet seat because the one he has hurts his butt. CJ tries her best to help him as much as she can before someone tells her that it is all a hoax. Taco Tuesday – CJ, Evan, and a few other coworkers begin going to Taco Bell every Tuesday for lunch. However, it soon gets out of hand, with more and more people showing up, until the place is packed. Meanwhile Kevin, who hates Taco Bell, attempts to sabotage the weekly tradition by inviting people to other locations for lunch. Study Party – Nic, Dee and Kyle decide to start showing up to work half an hour early every day to study some regulations for no reason. They sucker Evan and CJ into joining them by making them feel as if they would be worthless if they did not. However, they are unable to convince Kevin, until one morning when he accidentally gets to work early and is forced to participate. April Fools – As a prank, Kevin and Sibyl tell Evan that their boss will soon be implementing a new policy which requires them to show up to at 5:00 every morning to workout at the gym. They tell Evan not to tell anyone, because the boss has not made the announcement yet. Upset about the news, Evan shares it with Brian and tells him not to tell anyone, but Brian goes and complains to Yvette, who informs him that it is not true. On the first day of April, after Evan has been stressing about his future early-morning schedule, the boss makes an announcement, which ends up being something totally unrelated, and everyone laughs at Evan and makes fun of him. Mistori’s – One morning after a night of partying, CJ, Kevin and Evan go to a fancy diner for breakfast. Being underdressed, they’re forced to sit in an alternate dining room in the back of the restaurant where they are waited on by a very rude and difficult waitress, who continually talks down to them and gets their orders wrong. When Kevin tries ordering a certain meal off the menu, the waitress insists it does not exist—despite the fact that it’s written right there on the menu—and yells at him and says that all he’s going to get is a couple of eggs. Pittsburgh – CJ, Kevin and Evan travel to Pittsburg to visit some old friends. What should be a five-hour drive soon become much longer as they make several lengthy stops for gas, food and candy. CJ sleeps for the entire drive, only waking up periodically to ask that the heat be adjusted. Kevin insists on driving the whole way himself, and eventually gets to bored that he begins using only the cruise control function—rather than the gas and brake pedals—to control his speed. In Pittsburgh, CJ buys some candles to put in her ears so that, when lit, they will suck out all the earwax. Kevin and Evan are skeptical of the candles' effectiveness, and later discover that the packaging says, “FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.” Despite this, they all end up putting the lit candles in their ears. Nobody’s Perfect – CJ, Kevin and Evan discover that they all have weird deformities. CJ has lopsided ears, Kevin has two different-sized feet and Evan has one extra-long arm. The Race – Dee convinces CJ, Kevin and Evan to participate in a 10-mile race in Philadelphia, along with several of their other coworkers. CJ and her coworker Rob wait in line for hours to pick up the registration packets for everybody, but when they reach the front of the line they realize they’ve been in the line for free potato chip samples, and have to wait in a different line for the packets. Seltzer’s – While eating at Ruby Tuesday, CJ, Kevin and Evan attempt to recall the name of a baloney company they’d seen advertised on a billboard while driving to Pittsburgh. Later, while watching The Hunger Games, Evan remembers the name is Seltzer’s. Then they all sit around and discuss how The Hunger Games would turn out if it was a real battle between all of their coworkers. Hulk Smash! – CJ, Kevin and Evan celebrate Evan’s birthday at CJ and Kevin’s house, along with a few of Evan’s other friends. While playing some drinking games, they realize that CJ is smashing everything with her fists. They make fun of her for this and call her “The Incredible Hulk”. Later, for CJ’s birthday, Evan buys her a pair of toy hulk hands. Six Flags – CJ, Kevin and Evan purchase season passes for Six Flags along with Evan’s friend Oscar. However, every time they attempt to go, CJ makes up some ridiculous excuse for why she can’t go, and the other three end up going without her. Season 2 The Nose Picker – Evan notices that his boss often picks his nose during their weekly meetings, and attempts to catch him in the act so he can prove it to Kevin and CJ. The Chili Contest – CJ, Kevin and Evan decide to enter a chili into the office’s annual chili contest. They get drunk while cooking the chili in a crockpot, and end up adding quite a bit of Jack Daniels to the recipe. After CJ and Kevin go to bed, Evan decides the chili looks too thin, so he adds flour, hoping it will thicken the chili. In the morning, he discovers the flour has cooked into biscuits in the chili, but it’s too late to fix it. They end up winning the award for the worst chili. The Record Book – Kevin tries to start an office record book to keep track of all the records set by him and his coworkers. Wanting his name in the book, Evan drinks a Snapple that has been expired for 18 months, which he found at a local Chinese restaurant. Afterward, he gets worried about the health risks and looks up on the internet the effects of drinking expired Snapple. However, the only results he is able to find are on Yahoo Answers, and they’re not very useful. This inspires him to try to improve the quality of responses on Yahoo Answers, and he begins submitting his own responses to questions, but they’re removed due to unreliability. Low Threat – Kevin and Evan realize that Nic has a propensity to repeat countless ridiculous sayings that he overhears, such as “low threat”, “battle rhythm”, “adjust fire” and “pencil it in”. They make a bet in which they each completely invent a phrase which they then use in front of him in an attempt to get him to repeat it. Evan comes up with the saying “rubber bullets” and Kevin comes up with, “Do you hear my battle drums?” which means, “Do you understand what I’m saying?” Kyle Moves In – Needing a place to stay for a month before moving away to be with his family, Kyle moves into the third bedroom at Kevin and CJ’s house. Unwilling to chip in for rent, he leaves them with a sack of potatoes. Africa – CJ, Kevin and Evan discuss what they think is the greatest song of all time. Evan believes it is “Tiger Woods” by Dan Bern, but when he shows it to the others they hate it. They later agree that the greatest song of all time is unequivocally “Africa” by Toto. Halloween – CJ, Kevin and Evan hand out candy to trick-or-treaters at CJ and Kevin’s house. Kevin comes up with a game to play in which each of them picks a different superhero and whenever a kid shows up in that costume, the other two have to drink. They end up handing out all their candy too soon but are too drunk to go to the store to get more, so they have to start handing out some Easter candy that they find in the garage. Veteran’s Day – Evan and CJ spend Veteran’s Day driving from restaurant to restaurant cashing in on the free meal deals offered at each. CJ wears stretchy pants to allow her belly to continually expand as she eats. Meanwhile, Kevin spends Veteran’s Day in New York with a little kid that he hangs out with as part of a volunteer program. Kevin tries to get the kid to order one of the free meals that’s offered, but the child insists on getting a more expensive meal item. Evan Moves In – Evan moves out of his apartment and into the third bedroom of the home shared by Kevin and CJ. However, things are off to a shaky start when Evan accidentally leaves the stove on and nearly burns the place to the ground! Thomas the Train – CJ and Evan bet on the proper name of Thomas, from “Thomas and Friends”. CJ believes it is Thomas the Train, but Evan knows that it is Thomas the Tank Engine. CJ insists that this cannot be correct, because she has never heard of a tank engine. They ask several coworkers, many of whom agree with CJ, but it turns out they are also wrong. Dave confirms that it’s Thomas the Tank Engine. Sweet Dreams – While drinking at home one night, CJ and Kevin discover that Evan has had sex dreams about several female coworkers, but he won’t reveal who. They question him to attempt to discover the identities of the women in his dreams. Later, Kevin goes to bed with a copy of the office phone listing under his pillow, in an attempt to have some sweet dreams of his own. SantaCon – Kevin and Evan take the train to New York to participate in the annual SantaCon pub crawl, which consists of thousands of men and women dressed as Santa Claus, elves, reindeers and sexy Mrs. Claus, all going from bar to bar and getting drunk. Kevin dresses up as an elf and Evan goes as Santa. They get harassed at the train station by a cop who makes them pour out their beers, and Evan later pees in a cup because he thinks the line for the bathroom is too long. They soon realize that it’s very difficult to get a cab when they’re dressed in their costumes, because nobody wants a drunk Santa puking in their backseat. They meet a woman who claims to be Bill Clinton’s niece, and at one point they stumble into a pizza joint that serves the best pizza they’ve ever tasted, and later they eat all of this lady’s mints. Annabelle – CJ becomes obsessed with a French bulldog she sees advertised on a puppy adoption website and begins to stalk the animal. CJ’s mom tries to get her a greeting card with French bulldogs pictured on it, and Evan tries getting her a t-shirt with a French bulldog pictured on it, but both end up showing only pugs, and CJ gets upset about it. Making Beer – CJ gets Evan a home brewing kit for Christmas, but every beer they make ends up tasting the same, and they’re unsure if they’re doing it right. They borrow a hydrometer from one of their coworkers in order to measure the alcohol content in their beer, but they can’t figure out how to use it. CJ thinks that the device is meant to be dropped into the beer and a drop of beer will then somehow crawl up the glass spine of the hydrometer and stop once it indicates the correct alcohol content. Season 3 Roger – Work is cancelled due to a snowstorm. Kevin gets stuck in New York and Evan and CJ build a snowman in the backyard. They name it Roger and use beer caps for buttons and eyes. After Roger melts, CJ gets sad and puts his head in the freezer in order to bring him back to life at a later date. Safety Dance – In a last, desperate attempt to get into the office record book, CJ, Kevin and Evan go to the movies four times in four days. On the last day, Kevin has the melody to a song stuck in his head but cannot figure out what song it’s from, and he asks CJ and Evan. CJ does an internet search of “doo doo doo doo doo doo da doo doo”, but the results just tell her she’s an idiot. Evan calls his twin brother and asks, who informs him that it’s from “Safety Dance”, by Men Without Hats. CJ and Kevin don’t believe him, but he later proves it to them, and they feel stupid. The next day at work, while serving as emcee for a ceremony, Evan plays the song for a crowd of thousands, but the only ones who understand the reference are CJ and Kevin. K, As In Cat – CJ is making plans to travel to Texas to attend her sister’s graduation. While attempting to reserve a hotel room over the phone, she gives the hotel lady the spelling of her email address letter-by-letter. Unable to think of a word that starts with the letter K, CJ says, “K…as in ‘cat’”, but is reminded that “cat” begins with a C. Anne Marie – One of the managers at Chick-fil-A is overly friendly to Evan whenever he and Kevin eat there. Kevin tells Evan that she has a crush on him, but Evan does not believe this. However, when Kevin and Evan bring CJ to eat with them one day, they notice that Anne Marie is rude, and later realize that it must be because she thinks CJ is Evan’s girlfriend. Later, Kevin’s suspicions are fully confirmed when Anne Marie starts giving Evan a backrub while he eats his chicken sandwich. The Girl Next Door – CJ, Kevin and Evan have new neighbors who they haven’t seen yet. They take guesses as to who they are, with Kevin hoping it’s three supermodels. While home alone one afternoon, Evan discovers that it is a young black single mother. He tells CJ and Kevin, but they later find out that she is Asian. Crackerjacks! – CJ, Kevin and Evan attend a two-week training course for work, for which they must drive to Philadelphia each day. Their instructor is this fat guy who ends all of his conversations by sighing and saying, “We had fun.” CJ attempts to not curse for the duration of the course and instead uses the euphemism “crackerjacks,” successfully fooling some of her classmates into believing that she never swears. One day there is heavy snowfall and CJ, Kevin and Evan almost die several times on the icy roads while driving to class, only to receive a call just before arriving that class has been cancelled and they must drive back in the worsening conditions. Making the Band – CJ, Kevin and Evan attempt to form a band. Evan plays guitar and Kevin claims to own a trumpet that is kept at his parents’ house. The three find an ad on Craigslist for some drums for CJ, which they go to pick up in a dimly-lit storage facility. Evan brings a paring knife, in case the deal goes bad, but is relieved to find out that the sellers are just a couple of nervous teenagers who are more scared of him than he is of them. Unable to agree on a more suitable name, they dub themselves “Black Horse 80”, after the road where they bought the drums and the $80 they paid. I’ll Have the Salmon – CJ and Evan go to a Moroccan restaurant with some friends who they don’t really like that much, and use the word “salmon” as a code to let each other know how much they’re not enjoying the experience. Do You Hear My Battle Drums? – After losing a bet regarding the year in which Ghostbusters was released, Kevin and Evan are both forced to wear funny hats at IHOP while they eat. Two days later, Evan leaves to go fight a war overseas. Kevin’s Back – While playing Ultimate Frisbee with some coworkers, Kevin suddenly finds himself unable to move. He doesn’t fall down, but just stops running and stands there like a statue. He says his back hurts and has to be taken away in an ambulance. No one is sure if he is faking it or not, but he continues to walk funny for the next several days. Kevin’s Friend – Kevin’s friend Tom moves into Evan’s room while Evan is away and leaves trash all over the place. Kevin and Tom move out of the house to get an apartment closer to the train station. Evan returns home from the war. The Beach – CJ, Evan and Gerrelaine go to the beach, along with CJ’s friend Michelle. CJ and Gerrelaine do the ice bucket challenge, and Gerrelaine gets swept away by a big wave. Evan saves her, but she is embarrassed and tells everyone that he did not. Kevin’s Birthday – Kevin’s girlfriend tries to plan a surprise birthday party for him, but when she texts Kevin’s roommate Tom, Kevin sees the message on Tom’s phone and figures it out. Kevin later invites Evan to his own surprise party, and has to pretend to be surprised when the gets there. It takes Tom five hours to get to the party, due to the train schedule, and by the time he arrives he is all sweaty and disoriented from his ordeal. Kevin’s Lung – After a game of Ultimate Frisbee, Kevin begins complaining of severe chest pains. Evan assures him that it is probably nothing, and tells him not to go to the doctor unless the pain gets worse. However, another of their coworkers insists Kevin go to the doctor. Ultimately, Kevin decides to go to the emergency room in order to get out of an official function that he would otherwise have been forced to attend. Once there, doctors discover he has a very badly collapsed lung and give him a chest tube. CJ and Evan receive the news while eating bottomless shrimp at Red Lobster, and the following day they visit Kevin in the hospital and bring him a coloring book and balloons. Tea Cups – CJ and Evan, along with CJ’s mother and sister who are visiting, go to Six Flags and ride in the spinning tea cups, the only ride they’re able to convince CJ’s mom to go on. However, Evan soon begins feeling queasy and CJ’s mom gets terrified. CJ almost get them all kicked out of the park for recording a video of her mom with her cellphone. Goodbye, Friends – As Evan gets ready to move away to California, Kevin organizes a going-away lunch with their coworkers. However, he waits until the last minute to do so, and is unable to reserve a venue, so it is held in the basement of their office. They order pizza, but don’t get enough, and people go hungry. Evan gives a hilarious going-away speech. That night, CJ, Kevin and Evan plan to go out drinking, but Kevin and CJ end up working late and it doesn’t happen. The following night is their last chance to say goodbye, and they plan to party for real this time, but Kevin ends up falling asleep and by the time he wakes up Evan is too tired to party. The next morning, CJ drives Evan to the airport. As he waits in the terminal for his flight to board, Evan eats Chick-fil-A one last time while reminiscing about the time he spent in New Jersey. Category:Fake TV Shows